Been having a tough time lately. The times that I am alone. I look around and wonder how I got here. If I were looking at my life from the outsiders perspective, what would I think, what advice would I give.
Was the gym the other day and a Ludicrious song came on...I was doing weights and I had to get up, go to the locker room and have a nice break down on the concrete floor. Ludicrious is not known for his powerful lyrics nor his moving ballads. No, this was a song telling the hearer that he was going to break their heart. My heart has never recovered from the damage the I walked into 2 1/2 years ago. I keep going back and trying to figure out how to get back on track, how to retain that joy, that innocense that I gave up because I thought I wanted other, the peace I smothered out because I thought it was being threatened...
I know my blog has taken a turn, but I don't think that it is a bad thing...draw close to the Lord and he will draw close to you. But the light that he shines on the dark places...I don't know how to clean up the messes. I don't know how to give them up, I just curl up in a ball and suppress myself. How could I? How could I? Is the question that echos as I shut him out.
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