Peace

Even in the midst of this ambiguious time, I have peace. You know, that peace that even when you look at the worst of the worst of a situation, you still known that it is actually going to be ok. Everything will be ok. I can do only all that I can do in a situation. I have to pray and petition and trust and let it go. This doesn't mean I won't be sad or upset, I am human after all, but its nice to know that there is a bigger source out there for me. I have peace. In the midst of a wavering economy, family turmoil, broken relationships, deteriorating promises, I have peace.

On the other hand, I sleep alot. I sleep to avoid thinking about the things around me that I can't change, the limbo that my heart and mind are in. I sleep, waking and remembering and turning over to go to sleep again. This is unhealthy, but I am afraid of the alternative, which is to throw your soul out there, throw your desires out there and wait for them to be fulfilled, when there is no promise to how long that will be. So I sleep, and hope that my tears will be dried in the morning.

In the middle

...why start a blog with a greeting to the readers. Chances are you either know me, or could read about me in my profile. So why not just write as though you've been knowing my thoughts for a while.

I slept for 18 hours last night. It is rare for me to sleep that long, but I didn't want to wake up. Have you experienced that? The sleeping until you just can't sleep any more. Some people escape from thinking by drinking, some people work out, some people read. My only form of not thinking and pushing thoughts aside is to sleep. So I slept last night. Too much on my mind.

Need to spend some time with Jesus. Need to let him be my source of escape. I am at a point in my life when I am afraid to ask people for help. I am afriad to break infront of people. Its funny having been through living waters. I recognize the disfunctional aspects in my life but today, just don't want to go through the painful vulnerable motions to rectify them. Sleeping for so long was strange. I dreampt twice that I recieved phone calls setting my mind and heart at ease, only to wake and discover that no such thing had occured.

Its funny our responses to fear. I with draw when afraid. I speak of course of relationships. Parts of me certainly hang out, but the majority of my being wants to withhold out of fear. Even in the midst of fear, I do have peace however, even when facing the worst possible scenarios, I have a peace. I thank my Jesus for this. Nothing is too strong to break me, or at least to break the savior that dwells inside of me.