Wow. It has been over a year and a half since I have blogged. Lets give a brief rundown.
July: Nathan and I broke up. It was peaceful. He and I were no longer able to put in the effort for long distance.
August - December 2010: Dated another man long distance who lived in Switzerland. What a disaster.
October-December 2010: Tried unsuccessfully to not like a co-worker's brother while dating some one else long distance. Miserable fail.
December 2010: Broke off with the Swiss man.
January 2011: Began dating the man who is now my fiance, Jeffrey Manning, the co-workers brother.
August 2011: Became engaged.

While the last year and a half, and really, the last 3 years of dating, has been a long haul of learning about myself and what it is that I really really REALLy need in a relationship. I have learned to want someone to know me and trust them that they love me. I think I really was great with being in a long distance relationship. Because at the end of the day, if it didn't work out, it could be blamed on them not knowing me, or because of the distance or because of bad communication. Jeff wants to know me in the here and now. Jeff sees my everyday face and attitude and apparently still loves me. It is the most redemptive relationship I have ever been in, other than the one that is with Christ.

Even now I tear up just thinking about it. Jeff has helped me to be brave and wise and kind. He helped give me the courage to talk to my parents about the parts of me that they never knew about and that I'd sworn they never would. He has opened his arms and shown me love and acceptance while sharing the most shameful parts of my existence. I have never thought anyone would love me if they knew me and all of my gross wrong willful choices...but he does.

Why am I blogging again? Because I miss it. I was reading a former students blog this morning, and it made me realize how dull I have been feeling, because I feel like I have been trying to just get so much done, with relationships, and the wedding and finances and work. And I feel dull.

I miss writing.
I miss reading the scriptures and ruminating on them.
I miss doing youth ministry.
I miss praying.

I want to do these things more. I want to be viberant and lively and passionate about so much more than "just getting things done."

Hopefully this is a good start to the process.