Unsure

I think things are slipping. I find myself ansy with the quiet...my mind will not quit. When I stop and am alone in the quiet, the fears overwhelm me, and its not the fear of the unknown. Its the fear of things being always the same. Am I taking time off just to be thrown away? I can feel the shift, the uncare, the neglect and I can't decide if it is so he is protected or if it is just the natural movement. If only we had had the discussion about the "L" word before it was said. The "L" word is not to be used in a desperate attempt to sway someone or to convince them. The "L" word is used to inform and exude...it is not last ditch's effort to maintain. So I write and I blog and I watch and try to experience because with the quiet I am left with the ache of longing for something that will not be obtained nor can it be asked for nor bought nor traded. It can only be bestowed in the humblest of moments in the most willing of weaknesses. The frusterating thing is knowing the men that they could be, the men that we as women catch glimpses of...the men that they simply choose not to be out of fear and selfish ambition. The point being brought up of timing. And yes, I understand and see the error of timing, but I do not feel as though it is my call to make. Even in this, being hurt, it must be his decision to stop, at least forcing some movement of manhood choices, or empathy for what is occuring...i can feel things slipping.