Desire

I am currently sitting at my favorite emo/rock coffee shop in down town Denver. Life has been stressful lately. Lots of work, lots of trying to fit it all in. I am suppose to be working on homework right now, but I stopped in at an old journal and was reading it....its strange how we deceive even ourselves into thinking we are ok.

I paused to talk with Jesus. I use to talk with him alot more, but as time goes on, I tend to want to pretend as though I have it all together and if I am continually yielding to his mercy and grace, I have to admit that I don't have it all together and desperately need him. Well, I am struck again tonight at how much I need him. It is difficult to pause and reflect on my life. I am such a failure. And daily things remind me of my wretched short comings, and unfortunate way that I responded when I have failed. The Me that no one knows, the Me that sees and feels more than I let on to.

It comes up today as I watch me roommate try to process so many things, and my heart aches for her, and it reminds me of my own aches and tears in fabric. It is so painful to yield to my Savior. It is so hard to wait in His presence for answers...but I know it is the only safe place, Waiting in His Presence.